On another post I mentioned baggage. For a time, certain actions by someone I was dating evoked a primal response in me. Why? Baggage! Baggage is all the negative stuff we carry forward from one relationship into another--creating problems, where none might exist.
It can become even more complicated when we have unresolved issues from childhood, from high school and from our patents. Some craziness provide just enough quirks to make us interesting...such as how I developed a Christmas tree fetish. This year will be seven trees up, not including the trees I send my kids for their dorms and apartments. But at 50, isn't it time to let go of those things. How long can you harbor resentment for being unpopular in high school or being slighted on your 8th birthday. When these issues affect your self esteem or interfere with relationships...you gotta get some help.
As a veteran of a few difficult relationships marred by my issues, I ultimately examined every relationship I have ever been in to figure out what my role was in its denouement and ending. Certain demons were harbored, some for years, and I took enough time to release many, many of them. I once carried a steamer trunk of issues into relationships, now after my self examination, its more like a carry on.
I am a big believer in reflection and personal responsibility. I also believe that perspective is helpful. When you are in the midst of problems, it is difficult to deal with the emotionality of what is happening. But without resolution and examination those issues become a part of you…sometimes a permanent part.
Ultimately, you have to deal with these triggers and realize that the person you are with presents a clean slate. They are not that person who did this or that to you. They have not hurt you and they deserve to be judged on what they do and not on what someone else did.
What about you David, what is your experience baggage?
David...
You never know what to expect from anyone. Their baggage can either fit in a breadbox or a POD. All or nothing here. We as single people, have to realize what we can handle. We all have made 'list' of what we will not put up with all of us have at one time or another broken that list. Never say never. You never know what to expect, so expect the unexpected.
This also relates to expectations. For me, the lower the better. It may seem a little harsh, but it limits the get hurt factor. I know some of my friends say that is a wrong way to come into relationship, but a defense mechanism is better than none.
If you are a person that likes challenges or is a fixer...... then probably the more baggage the better. Right up your alley. I know a few people like this. The more drama the better. That situation tires me out. Just makes me tired talking about it.
I was once even exposed to a dangerous situation dating someone. One of her family members got in my face over some pretty non logical circumstances. Didn't like that feeling of wanting to do bodily harm to another person. Really allowed me to think about the baggage factor. One of my tough lessons.