I have a friend who ran into her first love. They are slowly reconnecting, and it is as if she was in high school again. She told me the love is still there and things are progressing well. As a graduate student I had a short fling with this really great guy, an undergrad at my university. We were emotionally in two different places. He was still a boy in so many ways and I was a grown woman. Fast forward 30 years and we meet again when he looks me up on social media (thanks Facebook). It was great seeing him and after a lunch meeting we soon began seeing each other again. Every thing I originally like was still there and he grew up!!! We have become the best of friends and in between relationships I will see him…..when he's around. (He does not live near me).
David,,,,
There is a reason why they are an ex..... No-brainer here with hardly a discussion. I've only seen only a handful of redo's result in long term relationships. Is it worth the effort of taking a chance on something that didn't work the first time? Why? Another one that is not my bag. Got a friend now, hanging out with the whom he divorced. To what avail. They still have the drama that separated and divorced them over 4 years ago. Once again.... why? Makes no sense. Simple..... I say don't do it.... More often than not, it fails again. You are missing out on a opportunity of the right one....
I'm not about wasting time. Learned the hard way about this one. Blew up in my face over and over. Took a while for me to actually get it in the end. Damn psycho bitches (and not just the women). what a trip...
Shanita.....
I'm not talking about an ex here, I'm talking about someone you once dated a bit and you just did not click. There is no baggage, no acrimony, you liked them but you were going in different directions. Fast forward a couple of decades and its a different situation. You run into someone, you still like them, but now you're on the same path. Hey, people grow up and you know with that frontal lobe thing you guys got going on...it takes a little longer for some folks to get there. I say why not...
On the other hand, I did give an ex a second chance, and David, as you well know, it was a disaster. In fact when I did go back, you just shook your head. I was a different person the second time around--I focused on what my fault was in our breakup, and what my issues are in relationships in general, and I assumed they had been working on their issues too. You know what they say when you "ass.u.me." They hadn't changed and while at first it was good, in many ways because they had not worked on their issues the break up the second time was worse. This is my first time doing a "repeat" and my only explanation was that I thought that the relationship was doomed by timing and outside issues. I mourned it as a loss of something valuable, and that I lost someone who was valued by me because of me and what I had done. As it turned out the relationship was a fiction, he was flawed and refused to change and that doomed us. Lesson learned...
David....
Ok, maybe a little less intense for a ex date and not a spouse. Then, let me soften my stance a little. I feel that even as we learn lessons, our heart sometimes gets in the way. As you and I both have seen and experienced, the signs are there and we choose to ignore them. A sort of a blind reach out of coming back to a relationship that is no good for you. A sort of moth to a flame status. And I do so hate it when my ass is on fire.